Lost
by Bluebaby555
Summary: What happens when the one you love is lost. Not gone, not vanished. She is right there in front of you but she's lost to you. FINCHEL. Will be M in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.**

It was cold, no it was freezing. Rachel's teeth chattered uncontrollably and she pulled her warm red coat tighter around her small body. Normally the cliff side where she sat on the hood of her car was littered with drunken horny high school kids making out, among other things, in their parked cars. However, it was the last day of Christmas break and almost everyone was with their family and friends. After all it was the season to be with the ones you loved and cared about. Despite the small smile she and Finn shared on Christmas Eve at Mr. Shuester's they were still "officially" broken up.

They still spoke, mostly about glee club and they were civil even friendly with one another but it still made Rachel's heart twist and squeeze inside her chest whenever she was near him, hell, whenever she thought of him which was almost every single minute of every single day.

She liked coming up to the point though, when it wasn't a raging McKinley High orgy that was. It was quiet and peaceful and the view was really something to take in. Rachel heard her cell phone go off in her coat pocket and took it out to see that it was Kurt. She decided to let it roll over to voice mail. Even though she and Kurt had formed an odd and unlikely friendship she wanted to be alone that afternoon. She wanted to try and clear her head of everything Finn Hudson. She let the call roll over to voice mail and placed it back in her pocket before sliding off the hood of her dad's car and walking closer to the edge of the cliff. The enormous trees, the small river down below, everything was dusted with snow and twinkling ice. It was beautiful even magical in a weird way.

Rachel stopped at the very edge of the cliff and waited until the sound of her boots crunching against the snow and earth died down. She finally let a few unshed tears fall from her eyes as she softly said goodbye. She was saying goodbye to her old life and she was saying goodbye to Finn. Whether she was ready or not it was time to start fresh and move on with her life. She was going to focus on glee club and her dreams and she was going to win Nationals no matter what.

Wiping away a few tears Rachel forced herself to smile and with a final nod of her head she turned to leave. A fast painful breath mixed with fear and confusion escaped her as she suddenly was flat on her stomach. Looking back at her boots she saw a shiny patch of ice that had been covered up where she was standing. After a few seconds and the fear and shock had passed Rachel laughed at herself. She shook it all off and got to her knees carefully as she went to stand back up. As she bent one knee upwards and moved to stand she slammed back down into the ground again. Taking another look back Rachel saw that the laces of her left boot had somehow gotten tangled with a patch of frozen twigs that were hidden by the snow. Rachel sat up and went about trying to untangle her boot laces trying really hard to ignore how close she was to the edge of the cliff. Luck did not seem to be on her side as she grappled with the boot laces. Getting fed up she gave up on trying to get the laces free and just started kicking her leg trying to get the boot off of her foot completely. On her fourth try she kicked too hard, the boot flew from her foot and her entire body slid until she was literally hanging off the side of the cliff. Rachel clung onto the cold dirt above her desperately. A whimper of fear choked out of her when she looked down. How was this even happening to her? Rachel grabbed as much of the cold clumps of dirt as she could and used everything she had in her to try and pull herself up. She was almost going to make it when her cell phone started ringing the merry little holiday tune she had chosen as her ring tone. The noise startled her and she lost her grip. Her body slipped right out of her coat and the last thing she remembered was feeling her stomach leap into her throat and then a sharp pain rip through her head.

...

Kurt let out a frustrated sigh as he heard Rachel's perky voice mail message. He hit the end call button on his phone and tossed it to the other side of the couch.

"Who was that?" Finn asked, walking into the living room with a huge bowl of popcorn in his arms.

"Ah, no one. Just someone from school I'm trying to get in contact with." There was now way Kurt was going to tell Finn that he was talking to Rachel. It just seemed wrong in some way.

"Let me guess that kid Blaine?" Finn asked in a teasing voice with a lopsided smirk on his face."

"Just eat your popcorn." Kurt directed him before picking up the remote and flipping through the tv channels.

...

The bell rang and Mr. Shue came into the choir room. He looked around at his students and noticed immediately that Rachel was missing. She was always the first one to jump to her feet and have an announcement the second he walked in the room.

"Where's Rachel?" Mr. Shue asked.

"Maybe her dads decided to give us all a Christmas present and shipped her off to Israel." Santana chimed in.

Mr. Shue ignored Santana's little comment and went to the white board. "The holidays are over and we have a lot of work to do." He ignored the groans and went about scribbling down ideas on the white board.

...

Finn came through the back door of his house and tossed his back pack to the floor heading straight to the fridge. As he opened it, scouring for something to eat and drink he glanced over at his mom who was on the phone and had a concerned look on her face.

"Absolutely Mr. Berry." Finn's head jerked up at hearing that. Why was his mother talking with one of Rachel's dads? "Yes, he just arrived home. I will ask him and if I hear anything at all I will get right back to you. Thanks. Goodbye."

"What was that about?" Finn asked as he pulled out the half empty container of orange juice and began chugging it down.

"Have you seen Rachel? Was she at school today?"

"No." Finn looked uneasy. Rachel was still a sore subject and his mom knew that. "She wasn't in glee club. I didn't see her in the halls I thought maybe she was sick or something."

"Well, her father just called me and he seems extremely concerned. Apparently Rachel borrowed his car the other day and she never came home."

Finn choked on the orange juice he was drinking and his mother was instantly by his side patting his back. "What?" Finn asked as soon as he could talk again.

"They have been calling around everywhere. Mr. Berry said they had just spoken with the police."

"Maybe she just drove somewhere and got lost, maybe she got a flat tire or something." Finn said this wanting to believe it.

"Well, that is possible but he said they have tried her cell phone numerous times and it just keeps going straight to voice mail. They were wondering if you had maybe heard from her."

"No, nope." I haven't seen her since Christmas Eve, Mom. Rachel tends to be overly dramatic maybe she got into a fight with her dads and is trying to get back at them or something."

"No, I don't think so. Mr. Berry said she was perfectly fine when she left the house yesterday afternoon."

"I don't know mom." Finn's heart was pounding in his chest. Rachel was dramatic it was in her blood but just taking off and not leaving some grand goodbye note or making some huge exit, that wasn't like her. He tried to suppress the tiny gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach that something was wrong.

"Okay, well let me know if you hear anything." Carole kissed Finn on the cheek before leaving the kitchen

"No problem." He called after her.

Kurt burst through the back door and flung his over the shoulder bag onto the kitchen table as he dropped his cell phone down onto it. "I swear I am going to go straight to her house and give that girl a peace of my mind if she does not call me back in the next 10 seconds."

"If who doesn't call you back?" Finn asked. He was hoping Kurt's problems would get his mind off of Rachel.

"Rachel!" Finn's eyes went wide. "I have been calling her and texting her since yesterday and she is not answering me back and I really need her advice on something." Kurt looked over at Finn and bit down on his lower lip when he realized what he just said. "Sorry." Kurt's voice lowered to its normal octave. "I know things aren't exactly... well anything with you two but I need her advice on something. If there is a bigger diva in Lima, Ohio than Kurt Hummel it is Rachel Berry and I need to talk with her ASAP." Kurt noticed that Finn had suddenly become unusually pale and wide eyed. "What?"

"One of Rachel's dads just called mom. They said they haven't seen her since yesterday afternoon. She wasn't at school today."

For once in his life Kurt Hummel was speechless.

...

Finn walked into the choir room and felt his stomach lurch when he saw two police detectives talking with Mr. Shue. He sat down next to Artie who was silently gossiping with everyone else.

"What did you do this time Puckerman?" Santana accused Puck who simply shrugged his shoulders.

"I didn't do shit."

"I, I, I, I think it's about Rachel." Finn stuttered out.

"What the hell did that goodie two shoes do?" Santana asked folding her arms across her chest.

"Attention everyone... guys quiet down!" Mr. Shue yelled out and stepped to the side so one of the detectives could speak.

"I'm here because we are looking into the disappearance of one of your classmates, Rachel Berry. It's been 48 hours since she has last been seen. If any of you have any information on where she may be or of she has contacted any of you we need you to come forward and let us know." The detective was answered with shrugs and muffled I don't knows. "If any of you do hear from her we need you to contact us..." The detective was interrupted as his partner got off his phone and rushed over to his side whispering something urgent in his ear. They were about to leave when Finn jumped up out of his seat and rushed over to them and grabbed one of the detective's arms.

"Hey now son!"

"Please you have to tell me what is going on." Finn begged in a panicked voice.

"Son, this is a police matter, you..."

"Please, please." Finn begged "She's my girlfriend." He blurted out which wasn't the truth but it felt so right and natural to say.

The officer let out a sigh feeling sorry for the kid. "A couple of kids were messing around by the point they found a coat and cell phone near the edge of the cliff. When they looked over they saw someone lying at the bottom of the cliff, we think it may be your girlfriend." The detective patted his arm and went to leave but Finn pulled him back again.

"Is she okay? What happened? Is she... is she okay?"

"All we know is that the EMTs have brought her to the hospital. Other than that I have no further information and cannot tell you anything else." The detective nodded to Mr. Shue before leaving.

It was not dude like for a guy to faint and especially a 6 foot 3 football player like Finn Hudson but all he could see was everything spinning around him before it went completely black.

**TBC **


	2. Chapter 2

A foul smell invaded Finn's senses and his eyes snapped open. He shot up into a sitting position and started to violently cough. A sweet looking woman in her early 40's wearing pink hospital scrubs came rushing to his side and handed him a glass of water which he gratefully chugged down in one gulp. His throat was so dry and his head felt floaty almost like he was in a dream or something. When he finally felt like he could breathe again he took in his surroundings and saw that he was still in his hoodie, t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers but he was lying on a stretcher and when craning his neck to look down the hallway he could make out the big red sign that read 'Emergency Room'. Finn went to swing his legs over the side of the stretcher and the nurse stopped him.

"Whoa there young man. You may want to stay put for a while you took a nasty spill when you fainted."

"Fainted?" Finn asked more confused than he had ever been in his life. The nurse flashed him a sympathetic smile and took hold of his arm helping him to lay back down when he spotted Mr. Shue at the end of the hall. Suddenly Rachel filled his head and it all crashed back into him. He leapt off of the stretcher nearly scaring the nurse half to death and sprinted down the hall ignoring the fact that he still felt dizzy and like he might vomit.

Mr. Shue paced back and forth as Ms. Pillsbury or now Mrs. Howell sat in one of the waiting room chairs watching Mr. Shue nervously. Mr. Shue looked up and saw Finn barreling towards him. He put up his arms instinctively and stopped Finn from completely knocking him on his ass.

"What happened? Where's Rachel? What's going on? How did I get here? Where's Rachel?" The questions spilled out of Finn's mouth all at once blurring together in his panic.

Ms. Pillsbury got up and put her delicate hands on Finn's arms to steady him and guided him down to a chair.

"I know this is hard but you need to try and relax right now, Finn."

Finn took a moment. "I don't understand why am I here? Where is Rachel?" This time his questions came out perfectly clear.

"You fainted back at school. We had to call an ambulance." Ms. Pillsbury explained to him in a calm soothing voice."

"Where's Rachel? Those two cop guys they said they found Rachel. Where is she?"

Emma looked over to Will. Will's hand was covered over his mouth and his eyes where glassy and red. She knew he was in no condition to break the news to Finn at that moment. "Rachel is in the intensive care unit..." Finn went to get up but Emma stopped him and settled him back down. "No one but immediate family is allowed to see her right now. She still hasn't woken up."

"What happened to her?" Finn begged.

Emma cleared her throat and held onto Finn's hands tighter. "Rachel... a few middle school kids who had skipped class were hanging around the point. They found a coat and jacket that belonged to Rachel." Emma paused to let Finn take this first bit in before continuing on. "When they looked over the saw a girl at the bottom of the cliff. They went around and down through the woods and found Rachel. She had fallen pretty far and hit her head pretty badly on some rocks. She was ice cold. They ran and called the police. Thank God she was still breathing when they got to her. All we know for sure right now is that she has a few broken ribs, her body was banged up badly, but luckily her head hit the rocks in such a way that the doctors do not think there is any extreme damage. We won't know for sure until she wakes up. If those boys hadn't have found her... we should just be thankful right now"

Finn hunched forward and buried his face in his hands.

"They think she jumped." Mr. Shue finally spoke.

Finn lifted his head and his face was bright red with anger. He stood up clenching his fists by his side. "No. No. No. NO! There is no way Rachel would have tried to ki... there is no way."

Mr. Shue shook his head. He didn't know what else there was to say. Finn noticed the rest of the glee club and Kurt at the other end of the waiting room and stalked over.

"I have no idea."

"This is insane. This is not happening."

"I heard she jumped."

"I knew she was crazy but come on."

The hushed chatter came to an abrupt stop when Finn approached.

"You okay man?" Puck asked knowing just from looking at Finn's body language not to get to close to him.

"Have any of you seen her?" Was the only thing Finn said.

"No." Quinn said taking Finn's hand and lightly in her own. He pulled it away from her instantly. Quinn sighed. "They told us she's stable but they are only letting family in to see her."

"The cops, they asked us some questions." Mercedes told him.

"Like what?"

"Finn," Kurt rubbed Finn's back, "they think she tried to kill herself." Finn's jaw clenched hard at hearing those words again.

"Yeah, they asked us if any of us had noticed a change in her behavior lately." Sam said.

Before Finn could say anything a doctor came through the double doors and Mr. Shue and Ms. Pillsbury hurried over to them.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Marne. I have good news, Ms. Berry is in stable condition. We just moved her out of the ICU and she has just woken up. If you would like to you can see her now but please do not crowd or overwhelm her. We still have a lot of tests to run." Dr. Marne nodded his head and gestured for them to follow him.

As they walked through the sterile maze of hallways Finn could hear nothing but his heart pounding in his chest and his blood rushing through his ears. They took a sharp left turn and Finn tried to blend in with everyone else when he saw Rachel's dads outside of what must have been her room talking to the two police detectives from earlier.

Everyone slowly and carefully piled into the room. A male nurse shined a flashlight in each of Rachel's eyes and asked her if she could tell him her full name.

"Rachel Barbara Berry." Her voice was hoarse and quiet.

"Alright Rachel. Well, all of your vital signs seem to be checking out and it looks like you have some visitors." The male nurse gave Rachel a reassuring smile and nodded to everyone as he walked past and left the room shutting the door behind him.

"Rachel?" Mr. Shue was the first to approach the side of her hospital bed.

"Mr. Shue?" Rachel shivered. "What's going on?"

"You're in the hospital, Rachel." Mr. Shue told her. "You're okay everything is going to be okay.

"How are you feeling?" Mercedes asked as she took a spot next to Mr. Shue.

"Like a star." Rachel joked and Mercedes laughed and lightly squeezed Rachel's fingers. "When do I get to go home?"

"The doctors said they are going to keep you here for just a little while. I guess they don't want to let you go either." Mr. Shue smiled and the unshed tears in his eyes were threatening to spill out.

Rachel suddenly went to sit up but instantly stopped and cringed at the pain as Mr. Shue and Mercedes helped her back down.

Finn watched from behind everyone else. There was a large bandaged gash on her forehead and all of the rosy color from her face was gone replaced with a chalky white color. Her body looked to tiny and broken underneath the thin white blanket. He could feel his heart shredding to pieces. There was no way Rachel would ever try to kill herself it just wasn't possible. Then the thought he had been suppressing every since Ms. Pillsbury told him what was going on reared its ugly head. If she did try to kill herself it was because of him and that thought made him want vomit and pass out again. Finn had to bring his hand to his chest he was hurting so bad.

"But I can't stay here I have to go."

"No you don't Rachel you need to get better."

"Get better? I'm fine. I am absolutely fine I just need to get out of here."

"You can't leave yet Rachel." Quinn said.

"Why not?" Rachel demanded.

"Because you tried to off yourself." Santana said and was shot unbelieving and nasty glares from everyone. Brittany even pinched her.

"What?" Rachel asked in a whisper and she looked at everyones faces until her eyes finally connected with Finn's. The heart monitor attached to her began going off like crazy and her eyes began to slip shut. Dr. Marne and a few nurses rushed into the room and quickly ushered everyone out.

"Rachel!" Finn pushed at the door and pounded on it before it was slammed in his face.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

Three weeks in the hospital and Rachel could feel the last inch of sanity in her begin to slip away. She just wanted to go home. She wanted to curl up in _her _bed. She wanted to get back to glee club. She had so many ideas. She had come up with them all during her three weeks in the hospital, it was really the only thing from keeping that last inch of sanity from breaking free.

Over the three weeks almost everyone from the Glee club had come to visit her in small groups or by themselves. Rachel knew that they were trying their best to be sincere and caring but the cold harsh truth was that if she was not in the hospital and none of this happened they would be right back to constantly stepping on her and making her feel like dirt, no matter how much she pretended to ignore it.

The only people who she knew actually cared when they came to visit were of course her dads, Mr. Shue, and Kurt. When they came to visit they made her feel like they actually wanted to be there not that they felt obligated to go see the poor crazy girl. Mr. Shue would go over different ideas and set lists and he would crack a few dumb jokes that made her smile. Kurt was always a treat. He would make some comment about her appearance and would bring Funny Girl or The Sound of Music with him and he would complain about her horrible hospital bed head and try to "work out the situation" while the movie played.

However, the one person she wanted to see never showed up. One day while Kurt was gushing over Julie Andrews performance in Victor/Victoria, Rachel asked him.

..

_"Kurt?"_

_"I am telling you there is no other living creature that compares to the divine Ms. Julie Andrews."_

_"Kurt?"_

_Kurt looked away from the television finally and looked at Rachel. He could see that look in her eyes and he knew what she was going to ask him. He was none to thrilled about it. "Yes?"_

_"How's Finn? He never comes by and I was just wondering if he is all right. Is he sick or something?"_

_The truth was that Finn was sick with guilt and self hatred and pity. It really was getting to be quite annoying. Kurt had even slapped him the week before and told him to knock it off and go see Rachel. The only thing that was going to make him better was seeing her face to face but Finn retreated in his messy bedroom and hid. _

_"Yes he is sick... sick with stupidity." Rachel waited for him to continue. Kurt let out a dramatic sigh_. "He thinks that you trying to kill himself is all his fault and..."

_"I didn't try to kill myself." Rachel said completely frustrated. "Why does no one seem to be hearing that?"_

_Kurt affectionately patted her knee. "I know you didn't. Let's face it Rachel you are too much of a Diva and know you have too much talent to try and end it all and stop yourself from one day being in the spot light."_

_Rachel smiled at that and kissed Kurt on the cheek. At least he believed her and she loved him for that. "Thank you."_

_"But of course, now hush my favorite scene is coming up."_

_.._

There was a sharp knock on her door and the psychiatrist that had been evaluating her for the past three weeks came in and took his regular seat by the side of her bed.

"How are you feeling today Rachel?"

"Fine, slightly sore but fine. Home sick, I'm feeling home sick."

"Well, that is completely natural." Rachel rolled her eyes.

"I have been speaking with your fathers, Rachel. They agree that they do not think that you would harm yourself in any way."

"Thank you." Rachel raised her arms up and let them drop back down.

"However, they told me they were very concerned about you when your boyfriend broke up with you over Christmas."

Rachel looked down at her hands in her lap. "I loved Finn. I still do. I don't think that is ever going to go away but life is life."

"And the pain and confusion of this relationship ending, it didn't make you just want to give up?"

"I may be many things Dr. Lee but I am not a quitter. I wanted to start fresh. I wanted to try and get back on track and focus on school and glee club. For the billionth time, I SLIPPED!"

Dr. Lee nodded his head and jotted a few notes down on his legal pad. He was eerily quiet for a long moment before he finally lifted his head up and looked at Rachel. "I think you are ready to be discharged." A squeal of excitement escaped Rachel. "But, I do want to meet with you twice a week. Those are the conditions."

"Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, YES! I will meet with you everyday for the next 20 years if it means I get to get out of here."

Dr. Lee smiled and stood up placing her hand on Rachel's shoulder. "I'll get the paperwork started right away."

...

"Thank you god!" Rachel's voice was muffled as she crashed down into her bed and buried her face in the pile of fluffy pink pillows.

"It's good to have you home sweetie." Rachel's dad said leaning against the doorframe.

"You have NO IDEA how good is to be out of that place."

Rachel's dad laughed. "Listen, your father and I spoke about it and if you aren't ready to go back to school..."

"No. I am going back tomorrow no matter what. I just want to get back to the way things were.

Rachel's dad shook his head and smiled before leaving. Rachel happily crawled under her bed covers and was just happy to have familiar smells and textures around her.

...

Sucking in a huge breath Rachel bit back at the pain in her ribs and stood up as straight as she could. She pushed open the main doors of McKinley high and began the long walk to her locker with her head held high. She ignored the stares and hushed comments that were coming at her from every angle. She even managed to get past Jacob before he could say or do anything stupid. Finally making it to her locker the bell rang and everyone filed off to first period. The hospital had sent a note to the school so her teachers would excuse her if she was late for class. Tossing her last book into her locker she turned around and nearly lost her balance when she saw Finn standing a few feet away staring at her like she was a ghost.

He wasn't looking so good. He had lost a lot of weight and he looked like he could use a few weeks of solid sleep.

"Hi." Rachel said softly.

"I, I didn't know you were out."

Rachel bit her lip at that. "Yeah well, all it took was a few signatures and they undid the straight jacket."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's just that I haven't seen you since well, you know, and I thought maybe you would at least stop by and visit me once or twice but I know basketball season just started up again and you must be really busy with that and school and everything else."

"I wanted to come." Finn looked down at his feet. "I mean I did but... I don't know."

"Kurt said you weren't really feeling up to it."

"I just couldn't bring myself to... what I made you do Rachel, I just."

Rachel was sick of this and she had only been back at school for 10 minutes. "You did not make me do anything okay Finn. I was up there to say goodbye to my old life and hello to my new one."

"Your old life?"

"Yes, my old life. The life where we were in love and everything was perfect. You were never going to take me back, we both know that. It hurt like hell it still does but that doesn't mean that life doesn't just stop. I'm always going to love you Finn even though you hate me for what I did to you with Puck. A feeling that strong just doesn't go away but life continues on no matter what. I slipped the day I was up there, Finn. I would never ever try and kill myself and if you really think that that's what I tried to do then you don't know me like I thought you did."

Rachel gave him a nod that almost seemed final before walking away. As he watched her go Finn was pretty sure that if his life was some movie with crazy special effects, he would be crumbling to the floor at that moment in a million little pieces.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

For the entire day Rachel wore her imaginary blinders. She would not react to anything that was whispered rather loudly about her by the other students and she simply smiled as her teachers treated her like she was the most pitiful thing on planet earth.

Finally when the last bell rang and it was time for glee club Rachel could feel a weight lift off of her shoulders. She was at least going to be somewhere and doing something that she loved.

As she walked into the choir room everyone instantly stopped their gossiping and Rachel just sucked in a deep breath and was greeted with a huge bear hug from Mr. Shue.

"It is so great to have you back." Mr. Shue smiled and put her back down on her feet.

"Its great to be back."

Brittany bounced over to them and bent over to give Rachel a quick hug and then handed her an oversized card that was made on pink colored paper with crayons and stickers. It was easy to tell that Brittany had made it herself but it was still sweet and Rachel hugged her back and thanked her. Rachel tucked the card in one of her books and was led by Brittany over to the cluster of seats. She sat down next to Mercedes who mouthed a silent 'hey' and sweetly nudged her head against Rachel's shoulder. Rachel didn't even glance over at Quinn who was holding Sam's hand and staring at her with big eyes full of pity and clutching the gold cross around her neck with her other hand. Puck got up from his own seat and sat on the other side of Rachel wrapping his arm around her.

"How's the noggin'?"

"Perfectly fine. I mean there is the occasional dizzy spell and sometimes I forget what I'm about to say..."

"Score!" Finn pumped his fist in the air.

"But there is a chance I may vomit on you." Puck slowly removed his hand from around Rachel's shoulder and scooted a few feet away. "And that has absolutely nothing to do with hitting my head." Even Santana had to bite down on her bottom lip not to laugh at that one.

...

Glee rehearsal went by smoothly, well, as smoothly as it usually went by. Even though Rachel knew what they were all thinking she didn't let it get to her. She even sang a solo that she had suggested to Mr. Shue the week before. The bell rang and everyone gave her little hugs and squeezes as they left. Artie slapped her a high five as he went by making Rachel laugh. The only person who avoided her was of course Finn.

"It is really great to have you back Rachel." Mr. Shue gave her another hug.

"Thanks Mr. Shue." She waited until he finished packing up his things. "You don't think what everyone else does do you, Mr. Shue."

Mr. Shue let out a sigh and turned to face her. "In all honestly Rachel, I thought you might have at first but I know you would never do something like that. You have too much talent to stop the world from seeing it."

"Kurt said something along those same lines."

Mr. Shue laughed and playfully gave her hand a quick tug before leaving. Now that the choir room was empty Rachel placed her books on the piano and took out the big pink card she had stuck in her US History text book. Opening it up there were enormous amounts of heart, unicorn, rainbow, and smiley face stickers all over it. Inside it, in scribbled crayon it said "I'm glad you're not dead and only hit your head... that was the best rhyme I could think of, Love Brittany." Rachel couldn't help but smile at that. It was just so completely Brittany. She put the card back with her books and walked to the door slamming straight into something large and solid. She fell to the ground and her books and her card went flying everywhere.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry I didn't mean to... I thought everyone was gone. I left my..." Finn was down on the floor gathering up Rachel's books in a flash. He dropped them all back down when he saw her face scrunched up in pain and she was holding onto the side of her head where a faded yellowish bruise still was. Finn easily scooped her up in his arms held her. "Are you okay?" He asked, his voice dripping with nervousness.

"Yeah." Rachel sucked in a breath of pain. "I'm fine. I was just caught off guard. Finn's large hand brushed her small one away and softly inspected the bruise on her head making sure he didn't do any more damage by being a huge towering moron.

Finn's hand stopped moving when he finally realized that Rachel was in his lap staring up at him with those big brown eyes he had missed seeing for so long. "Hi." He said softly. Has hand moved down to cup her cheek. Rachel's eyes grew wide with something almost like fear when she saw him move in closer his own eyes now focused on her lips. Rachel shoved away from him and fell off of his lap landing on the hard floor with a thud.

"Rach I..."

"You were going to try and kiss me."

"Well, yeah. That's what people usually do when they love someone."

This made Rachel angry. She got to her knees and slid her pile of books over to her. "Just stop Finn.

"Stop what?" He asked getting up onto his own knees.

"We both know the only reason you just tried to kiss me is because you feel guilty."

"Rachel, things are different now."

"Yeah, things are different because you think I am insane and jumped off of a cliff." She stood up and brushed off her skirt. "You made it clear that we were officially broken up. Things have not changed, Finn. I'm not going to be your charity case." Rachel walked by him leaving him on the floor.

Finn angrily punched the floor and then reeled back holding onto his hand in pain. That was not a smart idea. Nothing he seemed to be doing lately was a smart idea. All he wanted was Rachel back. He wanted to make things right again. He noticed that his car keys had fallen out of his pocket and he knew exactly where to go to clear his mind.

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

Finn turned the keys and killed the engine of his car. He opened the door and stepped out not even caring that his coat was in the back seat and is was freezing outside. He hugged his big arms around his body and walked out looking around the point. There were beer cans and condom rappers littering the now dirty melting snow. He trudged through the slush and stopped a few feet away from the edge of the cliff. He looked out at the trees and everything down below and had to snap his eyes shut to keep himself from picturing Rachel laying at the bottom of those rocks. He kicked at some of the slushy snow and watched as it slowly slid off the edge and made dull plopping sounds when it hit the ground below.

Maybe Rachel really had come up here to say goodbye, not to life, but the old one she said she was living. The one where they were over and he was being a fucking moron just because of his damn pride. Something one of the detectives said flashed through his mind.

_"A couple of kids were messing around by the point and they found a coat and cell phone near the edge of the cliff."_

If Rachel was going to try and end her life why would she take off her coat and leave it at the edge of the cliff? If she was so distraught and ready to end it all wouldn't she have just jumped? Deciding to go on further Finn backed away from the side off the cliff and went through the path in the woods that led down to the bottom. He took his time, it was still icy and slippery.

As he neared the end of the path and could make out the rocks where Rachel was found he looked around at the ground and something that looked like a small dull red light caught his attention. He walked closer to where the light was coming from and started kicking away some slush and dirt. A small red light was flashing and falling down to his knees, Finn started to dig and push away all of the dirt until a pretty beaten up cell phone came into view. It was Rachel's cell phone. He knew it immediately from the pink casing. When the police arrived at the scene they must have only found the coat. Finn knew they mentioned the cell phone but he was guessing that one of those kids had grabbed the phone and then when they saw Rachel and went down to inspect they freaked and ran dropping the cell phone which is why only her coat was brought back.

Picking up the cell phone he wiped it against his shirt trying to dry it. He had the same exact phone as Rachel and knew that when the battery died it still made a little flashing light to remind you to charge it. He couldn't believe that the thing was still holding on. Putting the cell phone in his pocket he rushed back up the path not caring about the ice and slush or taking his time.

When Finn finally got back in his car he instantly started it back up and shut off the blaring radio. He fumbled around for his car charger and when he got to it he ripped his phone out of it and plugged in Rachel's.

"Come on, come on, come on!" He repeated impatiently. If the battery had been dead for that long and with all the weather damage it would take five minutes or more for it to even turn on, that was if it wasn't too damaged.

After what seemed like 500 hours the phone finally sprung to life even though the screen was hard to make out from water damage. Finn did his best and instantly went to read her text messages. A lot where from her dad and there were a few old ones from him but the bulk of them were from Kurt. Finn started going through them.

**'We are officially broken up that's what he said." Rachel**

**"God that boy makes me want to ring his neck! does he even know how much he hurt you with Santana? Is that even going through his big dumb head?" -Kurt**

**"Doesn't matter it's over. I tried but I guess it just wasn't meant to be. He doesn't want me anymore. He doesn't love me." -Rachel**

**"Finn=MORON. You 2 r meant 2 be despite how much ur cuteness makes me want to puke." -Kurt**

**"What can I do? I can't throw myself at him. Past is Past. Even though I don't want to, I have to move on. Start my new life which was the life before I fell in love with Finn. BTW how r things going with that kid Blaine?" -Rachel**

**"I have no idea but I think I am starting to crack the ice a little." -Kurt**

**"Best of luck u deserve someone like Blaine. You two sound perfect for each other." -Rachel**

**"I know. Anyway, front row tickets for Blaine and I for all of your staring lead roles in your slew of hit Broadway shows better be included in this new life of urs." -Kurt**

**"LOL. You go it. ;)." -Rachel**

**"I have 2 go, fam dinner. Meet up tomorrow? I need ur Rachel Berry advice on something and NO it's not fashion advice." -Kurt**

**"Hardy har har :p. Tomorrow I am actually going to be busy but I'll get back to you ASAP, k?" -Rachel**

**"K. TTY SOON." -Kurt**

**"You got it :) XO." -Rachel**

Finn dropped the phone into his lap. Rachel really was never going to jump. She was going to move on. The thought that Rachel thought he didn't love her anymore made him feel nauseous. He gripped the steering wheel and swung his car into reverse nearly hitting a tree. That didn't even phase him as he shifted into drive and drove off. He had to find Rachel.

**TBC **


	6. Chapter 6

Rachel wasn't home when Finn got to her house and her dads weren't exactly thrilled to see him. In fact they asked if he would leave. Finn left but he was still frustrated and full of something he could not even begin to describe. He had to find Rachel. He had to talk to her.

...

Kurt could be pushy, he could be bossy, and he could be a drama queen but he was never intimidating. Finn never actually thought that Kurt could be intimidating but when Finn screeched into the driveway and burst through the front door he was greeted with the sight of Kurt standing in front of him with his hands folded against his chest and his perfectly shaped eyebrows raised.

"What in fresh hell do you think you are doing?"

Finn looked at Kurt like he was speaking Vietnamese and had turned orange. "Huh?"

"You already broke the poor girl's heart and now you are just making things worse. Just leave her alone"

"Huh?" Finn repeated himself.

"I just got off the phone with Rachel."

"Yeah I've noticed you two have been kind of close lately, what's that about?" Finn's question came out rather accusingly even though he didn't mean for it to be. He just wanted some answers.

"Rachel and I have had our differences in the past but lately we have seen some come to an understanding. We have reached a sort of common ground and even though last year I would have covered my face in shame everyday with a black lace veil for admitting this but, Rachel and I have formed somewhat of a friendship some would say and believe it or not I care about her Finn."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"Oh please, Finn. I know you aren't the brightest bulb but come on." Finn just looked at him blankly and Kurt threw his hands up to the heavens in frustration. "Rachel has been through hell and back. She is trying to get her life back together and ignore the fact that everyone has now dubbed her the 'actually' crazy chick because they think she tried to kill herself."

"Kurt..."

Kurt didn't let him finish his sentence. "Rachel told me that you tried to kiss her today. That really messed with her head. All she wants is for things to go back to normal, or as normal as they can be for her. Jesus Finn! You shattered her heart into a billion pieces and broke up with her. You can't just try and put the moves on her because you feel sorry for her."

"She cheated on me!" Finn yelled.

"Yeah and in a screwed up way you cheated on her too! You knew how she felt about you even when she was with Jesse! Hell we could all see it. Just get over yourself already. The tortured look really does not work for you. She was really upset okay? She knows that it's over between you two and she doesn't want your pity just because you think she threw herself off a cliff because of you."

"I know she didn't try and kill herself." Finn said, his voice barely audible.

"What?" Kurt asked.

"I know she didn't try and kill herself." Finn dug into his pocket and took out her cell phone. "I went up to the point. I found her phone. I know that she didn't try and kill herself and I was a dumb shit for even letting myself believe that she did. I just... I just need to make things between us right again, Kurt. If she tells me to get out of her 'new' life forever then fine but I just need her to hear what I have to say."

Kurt sighed and Finn could tell he was mentally debating with himself for a minute. "She's home. She told me she told her dads to tell you she wasn't around but after you showed up they left. She should be alone right now"

"Thanks." Finn said turning around and heading straight for the door.

"I don't know if it is even possible," Kurt's voice stopped Finn, "but if you break her heart even more you already have you will have to deal with my wrath."

Normally Finn would have laughed something like that off but the look on Kurt's face really freaked him out.

"She's lucky to have someone like you." Finn told kurt before heading out.

He would climb up the side of her house and break through a window if he had to. He just needed to see her, to talk to her.

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

As it turned out, Finn actually did have to climb up the side of Rahcel's house. He had stood at the front door ringing the doorbell and knocking for a good 15 minutes and he knew she was home but wouldn't come to the door. He just thanked god that there was a tree that let him climb up to her bedroom window. When they were dating she would used to leave the window unlocked so he could sneak in and as he he got up the the final branch he silently prayed that it was still open. Reaching over and hoping like hell that he wasn't going to fall he jiggled at the bottom of the window and a triumphant 'yes' went through his mind as he pushed the window up.

Rachel was usually there to help him climb through but this time he was on his own and as he squeezed through the window the bottom of his jeans got stuck and he yanked at them ending up doing a rather ungraceful head first tumble into her bedroom landing painfully on his back.

"Ugh, ah, ow," As he let out little sounds of pain he was jolted upright when a scream pierced through his ears. Rachel was standing in her bedroom door with nothing but a baby blue towel covering up her body. He hair was hanging down over her left shoulder still dripping with water. She clutched her chest from fear and then a sigh mixed with annoyance and anger came out of her throat. "Finn?"

Finn let out a grunt and wobbled as he got to his feet. "Um, hi." He tried to focus his eyes on anywhere else but Rachel. After all she was only a few feet away in nothing but a towel (one of the many dreams he used to and still did have about her).

"What are you doing here? How did you get into my house?"

"The window was still unlocked from when... the window was still unlocked."

"I thought my dads told you I wasn't home."

"Kurt told me they lied for you."

"Ugh, I am going to kill Kurt. He swore..." Rachel fell silent as Finn reached into his pocket and pulled out her cell phone.

"Where did you get that?"

"I went up to the point to try and get things straight in my head I guess and I found it." Finn placed it on the edge of her bed. "It still works I thought you might want it back."

"Thanks." Rachel whispered. "Did you look at anything?"

Finn looked down at his feet. "I read some of the text messages you and Kurt wrote."

"Finn, I think you should leave."

"Rachel, I have to talk to you, you have to hear what I have say." Rachel was unflinching. "Rachel, Rach, please, please. I will get down on my knees and beg if I have to. I need you to hear what I have to say." Rachel still wasn't budging. "Please Rach. I will stay here until you call 911 and have the cops drag me out. Just please hear me out."

Rachel's cold stare softened and she shook her head. "Fine."

"Great! You have no idea. Thank you so much. I..."

"Could you go out into the hall and wait for a minute or two." Finn looked at her confused until he saw the small blush on her face that he had missed so much and his own face turned a bright crimson. "I kind of need to get dressed."

"Oh yeah, right. Of course." Finn stared down at his feet sheepishly as he quickly left Rachel's bedroom."

"Thanks." She said quietly before shutting her bedroom door.

...

A few minutes later her bedroom door slowly opened and Finn's head shot up and he ripped his hand away from his mouth. He had been chewing on his fingernails like crazy which was a habit he had never had before but he was nervous as hell.

Finn slowly entered Rachel's bedroom and felt his heart do flips in his chest when he looked at her. She was biting down on her lower lip anxiously. She had put on a short black skirt and a simple red long sleeved sweater. She was barefoot and her wet hair was starting to form in loose waves around her face. Finn went to sit on her bed and stopped realizing that it probably wasn't the best idea. He instead sat down on the small chair in front of her vanity. He kind of felt like he was going to break it he was so big. Rachel sat on the end of her bed with her hands in her lap and looked at him, silently waiting for him to begin speaking.

He had wanted to talk to her so badly. He had so many things to say but at that moment when he had her full attention he was completely at loss for words. He had no idea where to begin.

"You said you needed to talk to me?"

"I do, I need to, I just..."

"Can't find the words."

Finn looked up at her and a ghost of a smile pulled at his lips. "Exactly."

"So you found my phone." Rachel said deciding she was going to have to be the one to break the ice."

"Yeah, yeah I did."

"And you read my private texts."

"Sorry." Rachel nodded her head. "I just kind of couldn't help myself."

Rachel sighed and stood up. "You know what Finn? This wasn't the best idea I think you should go."

At hearing that Finn jumped to his feet and grabbed Rachel's hands tightly in his not willing to let her go. "I was an idiot Rachel. I was a huge jackass... for thinking that you did that, for breaking up with you to begin with."

"I don't blame you. I tried to get back at you with Puck. I should have known how stupid that was but I...

"Just wasn't thinking." They both said together.

Finn ran his thumb across the backs of Rachel's small hands. "When I slept with Santana even though we weren't together I realize now how much that hurt you when you found out. It was nothing though. It was horrible. I felt horrible because it wasn't you. You being with Puck it hurt me like hell but I understand why you did it. Neither of us were thinking straight and we weren't being honest with each other. I was so stupid for thinking that you would try and hurt yourself especially over an idiot like me. You have so much to live for. I'm nothing."

"Finn don't say that." Rachel looked up into his eyes and he saw tears threatening to spill.

"Don't say what?"

"That' you're nothing. You are everything to me Finn. You always will be but I know what I did was unforgivable and I know that no matter what I do you will never want me back. I understand that."

Finn was starting to get a little mad. "You understand nothing." A look of hurt flashed across Rachel's face and she sunk back at seeing his anger start to rise but he still wouldn't let go of her hands. His grip on them tightened.

"I love you Rachel. We both did dumb things when we were upset with each other but I'm the idiot here. I want us to be together again and not because I feel sorry for you. I love you Rachel no matter what stupid shit happened in the past. I'm saying that I want us to be together again. I love you."

At that he leaned forward and captured Rachel's lips in his own. He could feel her hot wet tears against his cheeks which only made him cup her face and deepen the kiss.

Rachel reluctantly pushed him away after a minute. "Finn." She whispered against his face and he leaned his forehead against hers as this thumbs stroked her cheeks. "You broke my heart."

"I'm so sorry Rachel. I will never hurt you again."

"This is too soon." She pushed him fully away. "I can't do this right now. Nothing in my head is straight right now. I can't do this."

"Rachel." Her name was the only thing he could say, tears beginning to form in his eyes.

"You need to leave now."

"Rachel."

"Please, just go." She folded her arms protectively across her chest and didn't speak another word. Finn shook his head in defeat and gave her one last lingering look before he walked out of her bedroom. Rachel fell back onto her bed and covered her face as the tears started pouring out.

When Finn was outside her house he stopped and looked back up at her bedroom window. He felt, for the first time in his life, completely and totally empty and lost.

**TBC**

**A/N: I know this chapter was full of angst but there are treats to come I promise!**


	8. Chapter 8

The next week and a half dragged on in the most painful and bitter way. Rachel wouldn't even acknowledge him anymore and he honestly didn't blame her. Back at Home Kurt was pestering him to get out of bed, take a shower, go outside, just do anything but sit around like a big depressed lump. He couldn't bring himself to do anything though. Without having Rachel in his life he didn't know which way to turn or what to do. He was lost. The only thing that brought him some peace was when he would steal a few glances at her during school when she didn't know he was around. At least she was living her life even if he wasn't a part of it.

...

That Friday during glee club, Mr. Shue finished writing something down on the white board (he wasn't paying attention) and called out his name.

"Finn?" Mr. Shue said for the fourth time and Puck punched him in the shoulder.

"Oh, sorry Mr. Shue."

"It's okay. You had that solo I talked to you about two weeks ago, the one you've been rehearsing. I wanted you to come up and sing it for everyone."

Finn looked around at expecting eyes and then remembered what the song was, All I Really Need Is You by Neil Diamond. Finn wasn't in the mood to sing and he especially was not in the mood to sing _that _song. "I'm not really feeling up to it Mr. Shue."

"Come on, get on up here it will do you some good." Mr shue gave him an encouraging smile and Finn reluctantly got up and walked to the front of the class. He knew he wasn't going to be able to get out of this one not matter what he said or tried. Mr. Shue nodded to Brad who began playing the first few bars of the song.

Finn waited and and waited and Brad hard to continue starting the song over.

"Finn?"

Finn looked up at Mr. Shue and as the lyrics rushed through his head he felt something stir up inside of him and suddenly he felt like he absolutely had to sing this song and he had to sing it to one person. He planted his feet firmly on the ground and stood up straight for what seemed like the first time in months. Brad began playing the song again and Finn's eyes looked out at everyone watching him until they stopped on Rachel and he locked eyes with her. She tried to look away but when his voice came out she couldn't help but look at him.

_**After all these years**_

_**After all these tears between us**_

_**Still I couldn't find**_

_**Someone half as right as you**_

_**And each time I stop to think**_

_**What it is I really need**_

_**Here's what I conclude**_

_**All I really need is you**_

_**Just say what you want to say**_

_**You don't have a chance in the world**_

_**Can I, knowing how I've tried**_

_**Still come close to losing you, girl**_

_**When you are my world**_

_**Have I spent so many years**_

_**Trying but in vain to tell you**_

_**Don't you know it's true**_

_**All I really need is you**_

_**How was I to know**_

_**We'd have ended here**_

_**Where we finally did**_

_**You tied you life to mine Once upon a starry night**_

_**And when someone asks of me**_

_**What it is that I believe**_

_**Say, I believe it's true**_

_**All I really need is you**_

_**Just say what you want to say**_

_**We don't have a chance in the world**_

_**Can I, knowin' how I've tried**_

_**Still come close to losing you, girl**_

_**When you are my world**_

_**Have I spent so many years**_

_**Tryin' but in vain to tell you**_

_**Feelings come and go**_

_**Me, I'm never gonna ever let you go**_

_**Promise you I'm gonna always love you so**_

_**'Cause all I really need is you!**_

Finn stopped and he was out of breath and still staring at Rachel.

"Wow." Mr. Shue mumbled to himself and everyone was in awe. They knew Finn was a great singer but there was definitely something extra he put into this song

Finn's eyes stayed locked with Rachel's for what seemed like forever until he felt the need to get out of the choir room like it had just caught on fire. He tore his eyes away from Rachel and bolted from the room.

Finn's voice always broke through her in a way that she never imagined was possible before she met him. Rachel felt her heart thud painfully in her chest. She was moving on with her life and she thought she was really making progress so why did her heart continue to pound and thud long after he fled from the choir room?

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

Finn sat on the hood of his car not really giving a damn that it was really cold out and he was just wearing a t-shirt and jeans. His arms were covered in goosebumps and his teeth were chattering uncontrollably but it didn't matter to him. He looked out across the point. The holiday season was definitely over. Lumps of snow were falling from all of the trees and the ground was covered in about an inch and a half of grainy dirty snow. The scenery was kind of perfect for his current mood. Everything was changing and he was still stuck in place. All Finn could think about was how he felt like an idiot. He had just made a huge ass of himself in glee club and to make things even worse he fled and now everyone was probably thinking things he didn't even want to begin thinking about.

In a way he figured he was up here to say goodbye to his "old" life as well. It was true, the past was the past and whether he ready or not he had to move on.

Finn didn't hear the soft footsteps and jumped out of his skin when he heard her voice. "I think you dropped this." Finn whipped around and Rachel was standing a few feet away holding his cell phone in one hand. He blinked his eyes a few times to make sure this wasn't a day dream or hallucination. "You must have dropped it when you left after your song."

"Thanks." Was the only thing Finn could think of to say as Rachel reached out her arm and handed over the phone. He was careful to make sure that his hand didn't brush against hers.

Rachel shoved her hands in her coat pockets and looked around. "I parked down there." She gestured her head behind her. "I kind of have a bit of a phobia of being up here and now heights in general but I figured it was worth risking it one more time."

"How did you know I was up here?"

"Just a wild guess." Rachel shrugged her shoulders.

Finn fiddled with his cell phone before placing it next to him on the hood of the car. "Yeah well it's really is a good place to say goodbye to you know the past and stuff."

Rachel ignored that comment. "Today in the glee... that song. You were amazing Finn."

Fin shook his head. "Nah, just doing what Mr. Shue asked me too."

"No, I'm serious Finn." Rachel took a few steps closer which made him tense up. "You were incredible.

Every single muscle in Finn's body grew taught as she stepped even closer until she was almost bumping up against his knees. "I came up here again to say goodbye for a second time."

"Goodbye to what?" Finn asked not meeting her gaze.

"Goodbye to everything that's happened to us in the past and hello... to everything new I hope will happen between us in the present and future."

Finn's stomach and heart flipped around and he had to make sure he was hearing her correctly. Rachel softly placed her hands over his and she was now fully pressed up against his knees.

"I thought I could just start fresh and forget about you but my life isn't going to be what I always dreamt it would be unless you're in it."

Finn just stared at her with his jaw agape. He quickly wondered if he had fallen asleep on the hood of his car and this was some cruel dream messing with his head. That theory quickly went out the door as Rachel leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the side of his lips. When she pulled back she was wearing that famous Rachel Berry smile that he thought he would never see again.

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

He was falling. Finn was free falling and he felt sick. He couldn't make out the ground bellow. It was blurry actually, he couldn't tell if it was solid ground or if it was the ocean. All he could hear was the wind whipping past him. As he desperately reached out to grab anything his speed picked up and when he looked over his shoulder he could see the blurry stretch of land or sea start to become clear. It was a small river bank. He let out a loud yell but nothing came out and then, SMACK!"

Finn eyes shot open and his heart beat was off the charts as he took in a couple of deep breaths to slow everything down. It was just a dream, well a nightmare that genuinely scared the crap out of him. His breath caught in his throat for a second time when he felt something move against him. Slightly turning his head he looked to see Rachel's back curled up against his side. She was sound asleep, her breathing steady and her long eyelashes fluttering every few seconds. Finn's breath caught in his throat again but this time is was for a completely different reason. Rachel turned to in her sleep and snuggled closer into his side as her head rested against his chest and he felt his arms instinctively wrap around her tighter.

It all started to flood back into his head. Rachel finding him at the point, Rachel telling him that she wanted them to be together again, Rachel kissing him. The rest of it was kind of hazy but he remembered that they went back to her house and no one was home. They climbed into her bed, exhausted, Finn wrapping himself around her not willing to let her go for anything and they must have fallen asleep.

"Mmmm you're awake?" Rachel asked in a sleepy voice as her hand gently balled up the fabric of his t-shirt.

"Go back to sleep." Finn kissed her on the forehead. He was definitely sure that he could just lay there and watch Rachel sleep for the rest of his life.

"I don't think I can fall back asleep." Rachel whispered against his ear and made him shiver. Finn placed a sweet kiss on her nose and nudged his forehead against hers.

"It's been a long day." Finn told her.

They were starting fresh, together and Rachel didn't want him to treat her like she was the fragile girl made of glass that everyone thought tried to kill herself. She didn't want him walking on eggshells around her. Rachel rolled over on top of him and could hear his heart pounding against his chest completely in tune with hers. She kissed him hungrily and rough and his fingers combed through her hair.

"I want this." She told him seriously looking him right in the eyes.

"I want this too."

**TBC**

**A/N: The next chapter will be the last (sad) but just a warning it will be rated M.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: This chapter is rated M.**

Finn had to stop for a few seconds to make sure he was actually breathing and this was actually happening, that it wasn't some taunting dream. But, as he felt Rachel's full lips press against his jaw he knew it was all really happening. Her lips traveled along his jaw line and stopped at his chin. The stubble on his face wasn't even irritating her. She loved it. She loved Finn with every inch of her being and she wanted every part of him. She wasn't going to be shy and tentative. She wanted him and was making it very clear as she meshed her small body more forcefully into his.

Finn ran his hands up Rachel's sides and sucked in a deep breath when his hands cupped her breasts and she let out a low moan. She tugged at his hair and he pulled her closer on top of him and their lips devoured each others in a slow torturous way. Finn was sure that it was the sweetest torture of all and he would gladly take it for the rest of his life.

He carefully rolled them over, his large hands covering her entire back. She began pulling at his t-shirt making frustrated little noises into his mouth. He let out a half groan half laugh at that and lifted himself up as quickly as possible to pull his shirt over his head. When it was off and he made a move to go back to her and a lump caught in his throat when he saw that she already had her own sweater off and was lying underneath him in nothing but a silky polka dotted bra that was so Rachel Berry, and her little skirt. Damn, she worked fast and he had no complaints about it.

Her tender body arched up into his and he took the opportunity to place soft kisses on the rounded flesh above her bra. Her fingers raked down his back and Finn couldn't stop himself from groaning loudly. Their hands mindlessly reached and felt for every inch of skin they could touch as their lips battled with one another. As Finn's hand slipped under Rachel's skirt and lightly stroked the impossibly soft skin of her inner thigh she felt the pool of wetness between her legs grow even more. She just wanted Finn. She wanted all of him, around her, touching her, and inside her. She wasn't scared and dreading this like she had been when she was with Jesse. She wasn't dreading it because it was Finn and she loved him more than words and even, shockingly, music could not express.

Finn felt Rachel tugging at his jeans and he nearly lost it right then but managed to control himself.

"I need you Finn, now." She said in a breathy voice that was the sexiest sound his ears had ever heard.

Finn looked down into her deep brown eyes and could see nothing but tender passion and love. He knew the same look was in his own eyes. He didn't even have to ask if she was sure or if she was ready. He could feel it, they both could. Finn managed to get the foil condom packet out oh his back pocket as he pulled down his jeans and boxers at the same time. Rachel took the condom from him as he put his hands on her skirt. Her own small hands covered his and she helped guide his shaky hands as he slid her skirt and panties down. Reaching behind her back she unhooked her bra and pulled it off. When they were both finally free of all of their clothing Finn and Rachel just stared at one another their lips just lightly touching, their breath mingling together. Just the feeling of her underneath him was making his hear skip beats. She was so soft and warm. She was more than perfect. Rachel fingers lightly dug into Finn's sides. She felt completely safe and loved with him lying over her, covering her completely and fully.

Rachel bit back a sigh as she ripped open the condom package and rolled it over Finn's hard length. He had to burry his head into her shoulder and squeeze his eyes tight at the sensation. When Rachel was done she shifted underneath him and guided him to her entrance.

"I love you, Rachel Berry." Finn whispered against her lips as he slowly began to push inside of her.

Finn could see Rachel tilt her head back and the look of pain flash across her face. He began kissing her lips, her flushed cheeks, her nose, her chin, her eyelids. He was trying to kiss her pain away.

"I love you, Finn Hudson." Rachel breathed in deeply as he fully pushed himself inside of her.

At first it was painful and felt a bit awkward but as they shifted around and Finn waited a minute or so to control himself Rachel could feel herself getting impatient and she began grinding her hips against his. Finn placed loving kisses on her lips and on her bare smooth shoulders as he slowly began to move in and out of her, lost in the indescribable feeling of her velvety walls throbbing around him. It was almost too much to take. Rachel's hands moved up and down his back and a ticklish yet rough way as they found the perfect rhythm. Finn memorized every musical sigh and moan that escaped from Rachel's throat as they moved together as one. Rachel could feel the pressure inside of her growing and she bit down on Finn's shoulder as she came around him hard.

At feeling Rachel lose herself, Finn couldn't hold on any longer and came. His spent body collapsed down onto hers. He tried to roll off of her realizing that his weight was probably too much for her to take but her hands curled around his biceps and kept him in place.

"Don't move." She breathed out. "I want you to stay."

Finn didn't want to hurt her but he couldn't resist her either. He moved slightly to the side but kept his arms tightly wrapped around her. Rachel was looking up at him through her long lashes with a sated dreamy smile on her face. He knew the look on his own face was identical to hers.

Rachel Berry wrapped up in his arms, her scent, her spirit, everything that she was surrounding him. Finn knew that he could never let this go ever again and he was a complete jackass for even doing so to begin with. She was always going to be a part of his life no matter what. He couldn't go through a life without her being a part of it. It wouldn't be a life at all. He would be forever empty and lost. As those horrible thoughts filled his head he pulled Rachel closer never wanting to let her go

"My life means nothing unless you're in it, Rach" Finn whispered into her ear. Rachel nodded, she felt the same way and kissed him. "So this is our new life huh?" Finn laughed.

"I think it's our old life, the way things always were and always were supposed be, the way things will always be now." She moved her hips against his. "But with a change or two." Finn felt her smirk against his neck and he pulled her on top of him capturing her lips in a heated and blissfully happy kiss.

Finn thought he had lost Rachel for so long but now she was in his arms and he was never letting go. He would never be lost again with Rachel by his side and in his life. He had found himself again and he had found Rachel and that was everything and all he needed.

**THE END**

**A/N: THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much for everyone who stuck with this story and marked it as a favorite and alerted it and reviewed it. I am so glad you liked it and stuck with me lol. You guys rock and I write for you. Love you all so much and thank you all a trillion times over! **


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